Marriage is misunderstood, abused, neglected, and increasingly redefined by many people in our society today. What used to be “holy matrimony” is all too often now simply one of many alternative living arrangements. We act as though humans designed marriage, and we don’t learn from the consequences of ignoring the boundaries of God’s design—consequences such as heartache, distrust, divorce, disease, abortion, alimony, single parenthood, neglected children, and child support payments. This short article was written to help you understand God’s design for marriage so that you can enjoy the blessings that He intends and avoid the negative consequences.
God’s Boundaries For Marriage
The Bible reveals the boundaries that God instituted for marriage. Those boundaries define what marriage is:
By God’s design, marriage is the union of one man and one woman in public covenant before God to enjoy a oneness (in all its dimensions) not appropriate in other relationships, lasting until the death of either spouse, and culminating in the glory of God and the reproduction of godly offspring.
Let’s consider the implications of the seven components of this definition:
1. By God’s Design
The first chapter of the Bible records how God created the whole universe out of nothing. After creating the earth, with its soil, water, atmosphere, and plants, He created animals and then He created a man and a woman (Genesis 1:2-30). When He was done, He pronounced that His creation was “very good” (Genesis 1:31). Genesis 2:7-22 provides a more detailed account of the creation of the man and woman. God created the man (Adam) first, then (because it wouldn’t be good for man to be alone, v. 18), He created the woman (Eve) from Adam’s side (v. 21-22). God then immediately brought Eve to Adam, performing the first marriage ceremony (v. 22). Thus, the pattern for all subsequent marriage was established (Genesis 2:24).
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
(Genesis 1:1)
For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.
(Genesis 2:24)
This account, which was handed down from that first generation, was eventually compiled by Moses into what we now refer to as the book of Genesis. The marriage of Adam and Eve actually took place! All of us descended from Adam and Eve, and all marriages—like the first one—have created a new and independent family in the sight of God, which is based on the oneness of a husband and wife. Since God designed marriage, we need to follow His design—not bend the rules or create other alternatives.
Jesus affirmed this when He explained that divorce was never part of God’s design:
And He answered and said, “Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, and said, ‘FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”
(Matthew 19:4-6)
2. The union of one man and one woman
As we saw above (Genesis 2:24), God designed marriage to be an exclusive relationship between one man and one woman. That’s why, when we refer to two things that are married or mated, we mean that they have been fit together the way they have been designed according to their complementary characteristics. In the case of human marriage, these complementary characteristics include both physical and non-physical traits. So, this boundary around marriage in God’s design precludes polygamy (having multiple spouses simultaneously). Although God didn’t explicitly prohibit polygamy in the Mosaic Law, He did allow the practice to reveal itself as something that undermines a wholesome marriage. The New Testament clearly prohibits polygamy among those who are to set an example for others (1 Timothy 3:2, 12; Titus 1:6).
This boundary also precludes same-sex “marriage.” Indeed, God has explicitly prohibited all homosexual conduct in both the Old Testament Law and in the New Testament (for example, see verses below; also Romans 1:18-27). Therefore, same-sex “marriage” is not only an oxymoron, but an explicit violation of God’s boundary for marriage.
You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.
(Leviticus 18:22)
If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act;
(Leviticus 20:13)
But we know that the Law is good, if one uses it lawfully, realizing the fact that law is not made for a righteous person, but for those who are lawless and rebellious, for the ungodly and sinners, for the unholy and profane, for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers and immoral men and homosexuals and kidnappers and liars and perjurers, and whatever else is contrary to sound teaching…
(1 Timothy 1:8-10)
3. In public covenant before God
Marriage is not a casual relationship. It is a very serious joint commitment before God. The various rules that man has developed over time to permit and regulate divorce testify that even those who would end a marriage acknowledge that it is a serious contract. God’s marriage of Adam and Eve (Genesis 2:22-24) serves as the model for marriage as being recognized and blessed by God; both Adam and Eve submitted to God’s joining them in marriage. Subsequent traditions have historically recognized that marriage unions need to be recognized and blessed by other humans, as well (particularly in light of the second and fifth of these boundaries).
4. To enjoy a oneness (in all its dimensions) not appropriate in other relationships
On the day He created him, God caused Adam to realize his need for intimate companionship:
Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.
(Genesis 2:19-20)
The Hebrew word translated “suitable” means corresponding to, appropriate for, or complementary to. Having just examined the animals, Adam realized that none of them could meet that standard. He was then fully prepared to receive the solution God had in mind all along—Eve. So God created Eve from Adam’s side. When He presented her to him, Adam rejoiced! She would perfectly complement him and be the intimate companion he needed:
The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.
(Genesis 2:23-25)
By God’s design, a husband and wife become “one flesh.” They are no longer two, but one. This certainly includes the mating of their complementary bodies sexually, but it also refers to the mating of their identities into a family, and the mating of their lives into one purpose. By God’s design, this oneness is possible only within the secure boundaries of the marriage commitment, and only between a man and a woman.
5. Lasting until the death of either spouse
The intimacy of the marriage relationship dictates that it be permanent. After Jesus explained to the Pharisees that the oneness God designed for marriage precludes divorce (see Matthew 19:4-6 above), they pressed Him a bit further:
They said to Him, “Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?” He said to them, “Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to Him, “If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry.”
(Matthew 19:7-10)
Jesus taught that divorce was not a part of God’s design. Marriage is meant to be permanent—“until death do us part” (see Romans 7:1-3). Even Jesus’ disciples saw the profound implications of this marriage boundary.
6. Culminating in the glory of God
God designed marriage for us to enjoy, but it isn’t just for our pleasure and fulfillment. God designed it to reflect His image and to fulfill His interests (Genesis 1:27-28). He is the One who joins a husband and wife in marriage, and He brings judgment on those who violate the boundaries of marriage.
What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.
(Mark 10:9)
Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
(Hebrews 13:4)
Any marriage without God in the center is deficient; it lacks His blessing and violates His design. But when both the husband and wife are devoted first and foremost to God, and they love and serve each other sacrificially in obedience to God’s design, then the beauty of God’s design (and, therefore, the glory of God) is on display. For example, although it was not clear until much later, God patterned marriage on earth to illustrate the relationship of Jesus Christ and His Bride — the Church:
Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.
(Ephesians 5:22-32)
God created marriage such that the husband would be the head of the family (directly accountable to Him), with the wife as his helper, cheerfully submitted to her husband’s loving and sacrificial leadership. Although this was always the design for marriage, we understand these roles much better following Christ’s work for the Church: His substitutionary death to satisfy God’s wrath against man’s sin, His resurrection from the dead to seal His victory over both sin and death, and His ongoing work to nourish and purify the Church in preparation for her promised marriage to Him in heaven (Revelation 19:7-9).
7. And the reproduction of godly offspring
One of God’s purposes for marriage is to provide for the multiplication of the human race. Although He also created the animals male and female with the duty to procreate (Genesis 1:22; 8:17), it is different for humans in two key respects: (a) God established marriage (with its emphasis on oneness and love, which are possible only because humans are created in God’s image) to be the sole context for human procreation; He has strictly forbidden sexual relations outside the boundaries of marriage. And (b) human reproduction is sacred in that it brings into being new eternal souls made in the image of God. God is certainly compassionate to those who cannot bear children (in fact, He is sovereign over fertility and reproduction), but bearing children is the norm for marriage as God designed it.
God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth…”
(Genesis 1:27-28a)
Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.
(Psalm 127:3-5)
Moreover, by God’s design, children need both a mother and a father—not just adult supervision or mentoring. In fact, the fifth of the Ten Commandments requires that we honor our father and mother (Exodus 20:12), and the Proverbs are full of admonitions to children to obey and learn from both of their parents (e.g., Proverbs 1:8; 6:20; 10:1; 15:20; 19:26; 20:20; 23:22, 25; 28:24; 30:11, 17). God is also compassionate to widows and the fatherless—particularly since they cannot fully experience the blessings of His design for their welfare (Deuteronomy 14:29; 24:17-21; Psalm 68:5; 146:9)—and He encourages adoption when appropriate, but His design is that children would be nurtured and trained by their biological father and mother.
An Application for Civil Government
The American Founders recognized (e.g., in the Declaration of Independence) that people have certain unalienable rights (i.e., they can’t be taken away) that were given to them by God—not by government—and that the role of government is to “secure” (i.e., to protect) those rights. This is also the philosophy of the Bill of Rights (the first 10 amendments to the U.S. Constitution), which are worded explicitly to limit the government so as not to infringe on the fundamental rights of citizens. The Bill of Rights didn’t create those rights; it merely limits the government from infringing upon them.
This is consistent with the Bible:
Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.
(1 Peter 2:13-14)
Every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. Therefore whoever resists authority has opposed the ordinance of God; and they who have opposed will receive condemnation upon themselves. For rulers are not a cause of fear for good behavior, but for evil. Do you want to have no fear of authority? Do what is good and you will have praise from the same; for it is a minister of God to you for good. But if you do what is evil, be afraid; for it does not bear the sword for nothing; for it is a minister of God, an avenger who brings wrath on the one who practices evil.
(Romans 13:1-4)
These passages indicate that civil governments exercise authority that is delegated to them by God, and that He gave them two basic roles: to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do right—that is, to condemn or to commend. The praising and commending typically take the form of protecting those who do the right thing (e.g., loving their neighbor as themselves, as the above two passages of the Bible go on to explain). This puts governments in the position of determining what is right (i.e., moral) and what is wrong (immoral). But since civil governments exercise authority given to them by God, they’re accountable to Him as to what they view as right and wrong. Since He created life, their job is to protect it. Likewise, since He created marriage, the government’s job is to protect it. A simple, but fundamental way to do that is to formally recognize legitimate marriages to protect people against things like fornication, adultery, divorce-for-any-reason, polygamy, abandonment, and homosexual alternatives. An “anything goes” approach to marriage exposes people to abuse, poverty, disease, and broken families. One of government’s roles is to protect people from those things by recognizing and protecting the God-ordained boundaries of marriage; governments don’t have jurisdiction to change those boundaries since humans didn’t create marriage to begin with. We can clearly see what happens when the government is not faithful to prohibit divorce-for-any-reason. Re-defining what marriage is would be even worse.
An Application For Us
If you have violated any of the boundaries that God ordained for marriage, you must first recognize that (like all other sin), this disqualifies you from the kingdom of God.
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.
(1 Corinthians 6:9-10)
In fact, all of us deserve eternal hell because all of us have rebelled against our Creator, whose holy character cannot tolerate sin in His presence.
For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
(Romans 3:23)
For the wages of sin is death.
(Romans 6:23a)
But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden His face from you so that He does not hear.
(Isaiah 59:2)
However, God has graciously provided a solution to that problem: He paid for the sins of men Himself! The eternal Son of God, Jesus Christ, took on human flesh, lived a sinless life all the way from His miraculous conception by a virgin through adulthood, and bore the wrath of God the Father against man’s sin as He died on the cross in our place. He then rose from the dead in victory over both sin and death, and offers eternal life as a free gift to all who repent (forsake and turn) from their sin, placing their faith in Christ alone for salvation.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
(Romans 6:23)
Thus it is written, that the Christ would suffer and rise again from the dead the third day, and that repentance for forgiveness of sins would be proclaimed in His name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem.
(Luke 24:46-47)
Therefore having overlooked the times of ignorance, God is now declaring to men that all people everywhere should repent, because He has fixed a day in which He will judge the world in righteousness through a Man whom He has appointed, having furnished proof to all men by raising Him from the dead.
(Acts 17:30-31)
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast.
(Ephesians 2:8-9)
Since Jesus Christ (being sinless) is the only one who was ever qualified to pay for anyone else’s sins, He is the only alternative to our paying for those sins ourselves in hell.
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father but through Me.”
(John 14:6)
And there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved.
(Acts 4:12)
If we respond to Christ’s gift in genuine faith and repentance, He will save us from bearing the wrath of God against our sin, but if we do not, then we will bear that wrath forever.
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.
(John 3:16)
He who believes in the Son has eternal life; but he who does not obey the Son will not see life, but the wrath of God abides on him.
(John 3:36)
If you do respond to Jesus Christ in genuine faith and repentance, He can restore you not only to eternal life with God, but also to peace and cleansing in this life. In fact, after the Apostle Paul affirmed that sinners (including those who had broken God’s boundaries for marriage) would not inherit the kingdom of God (see 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 above), he reminded the church in Corinth that some of them had been saved from those very same sinful practices:
Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.
(1 Corinthians 6:11)
If you want that for yourself, surrender to Jesus Christ as your Savior and Lord today, asking Him to forgive your violations of the boundaries of marriage and any other sins you have committed. If you are currently violating the boundaries of marriage, genuine repentance involves leaving your sinful lifestyle and seeking forgiveness from the people you have sinned against, too. We also urge you to find a church where the Bible is taught and obeyed, and where you can receive help and counsel in your relationship with Jesus Christ.
May God restore our state’s and our nation’s commitment to marriage as He ordained it, and reconcile many people to Himself through repentance from sin and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ!